I Stop Somewhere ~ T.E. Carter
★★★★★
I received this eARC uncorrected galley from Feiwel & Friends on NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of this book in any way.
A warning before I begin. This book focuses on very heavy topics that may be triggers for some readers. If you have suffered sexual assault or other abuse, I would be wary about reading this, as there are graphic scenes.
The Writing
From the very first page of this book, I was completely drawn in. From the first line, the first word, I knew I was reading something that mattered, something that was so important. The writing is almost lyrical in its beauty. It feels like something haunted and true and private and sacred. It feels like the poem of a soul. I couldn't put it down. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking only of this book and the precious, necessary story told within. The symbols in this book were consistent and poignant; they carved themselves in my heart. Houses, ghosts, zombies, lost girls--all caught between life and death, between existing and not. I was highlighting everything, writing each quote into my soul.
The Characters
Ellie: Our narrator is an average, invisible girl. She does little with her life. She doesn't even know who she is. She wants to be the definitions of "girl" she sees in magazines, the type of girl that is noticed, but in a good way, a way that means you are important and lovable. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be. Instead, she is used and discarded by the boy she thought she loved, thought she needed. She reflects on her Before and her After, and what she learns about what it means to mean something is truly powerful.
Caleb (and by extension, Noah): The Breward boys are the very embodiment of cruel, malicious entitlement, of confident fake-smiles and the love of pretending to be human. They take what they want and expect to get away with it--they have, after all, been getting away with everything their entire lives, as has their father, an equally despicable person.
Cassie and Thompson: These two women become the powerful female support and voice that all young girls need. They are what this world needs.
Kate: She is the friend that could have been.
Alex and Gomes: Alex, Ellie's father, is a hardworking single father who loves his daughter unconditionally, but is powerless to stop what happens to her, not because of anything he did or didn't do. Gomes, the detective on Ellie's case, learns that every girl is worth saving.
Gina Lynn: The mean girl who saw the light and saved the day in the end. Honestly, Gina was definitely one of the most surprising characters. She wasn't at all what I expected, but I'm glad she was.
Ellie's mother, Sierra: This woman is the opposite of Cassie and Thompson. She is what women shouldn't be, what people shouldn't be: ultimately self-serving and utterly apathetic.
Gretchen and the survivors: These girls are the candles whose wicks were doused but keep on burning, even if it's just an ember. They may flicker, but they still burn, and their flame can light the way for others to stand tall.
Conclusion
This was so much more than a book about rape. This was a book about loss and forgiveness (of yourself and others), about blame and where it lies, and what it means to matter. It was about what makes a girl. I felt like I was a part of something reading this. I felt personally touched and changed. I've experienced my own #metoo moments, though not as severe as in this book, but it struck a chord in me. I was left feeling strangely optimistic, though it doesn't have happy ending by any means. Nevertheless, I went away with the message (a message that has been a constant thought in my life recently, and a constant help as well) that the world is still full of beautiful things. That the horrible and the bad don't discount the tender sweet things. That life, even lost, is still wonderful.
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