Turned ~ Morgan Rice (The Vampire Journals #1)
★★☆☆☆
So, for starters, this wasn't actually always really bad, but when it was bad, it was one of the worst things I've ever read. But in a good way.
Here's a list of some stuff (there are some unmarked spoilers, so if you do want to read this for some reason, be warned):
1) She's somehow the only white girl in an inner city NYC high school. She doesn't mind this because she's ~not racist~ since she has had diverse friends in the past, and "some of her meanest frenemies had been white." Make of that what you will.
2) She had insta love with not only one, but two guys! One of them is a human person of color (and an actually genuinely great guy!) and the other is a soulmate-ish ~protector~ sort with brown hair and lovely eyes. He's also 3,000 years old and has a vampire ex-wife named Sera who is needlessly antagonistic. He declares his love for her after knowing her for like 2 hours max.
3) There are several lines that imply Caitlin is possibly bisexual or pansexual, except when it comes to her two beaus. Rice specifies that "it was unlike her to be smitten by a guy" and it was "unlike her to feel any strong feelings for any boy". Every time it is stated how unusual it is she is attracted to someone, it is specified that the person of her attention is male.
4) There is an Obama reference.
5) Caitlin repeatedly defies physics by jump-kicking people with both feet at once.
In fact, every single action scene in this was comically overdone. Think Daredevil movie levels of terrible.
6)
Not understanding what was happening to her, she tossed her head back and let out an unearthly shriek, echoing off the buildings and down the block. It was a primal shriek of victory, and of unfulfilled rage.
A big mood.
7) Hunger and thirst are used interchangeably.
8) She runs away from home and throws away the only casual clothes she had, deciding to live life wearing only a dress shirt, a skirt, and some high heels. Her dead phone is retconned several times.
9)
She looked down and to her surprise, there was Jonah's hand. He placed it on the armrest between them, palm up, inviting hers.
It's the awkward movie theater hand holding scene from New Moon. (I looked for gifs but couldn't find any)
10)
He hated most things, actually.
Another big mood.
11)
She was up against a wall. Chained to a wall.
12) When presented with the word "coven", our very smart MC's immediate thought is vampire instead of witch like everyone else on planet earth.
13) The vampires have wings that are only mentioned when they are flying.
14) Caleb, the sexy vampire, says "Hold on tight" and proceeds to run.
15) She thinks about the brutal murder of her mother at most twice, her mind otherwise occupied on the conundrum of Caleb's astounding sexiness.
16) The bad guy (who's name is Kyle) has a fluctating age that flips between 3,000 and 4,000.
17) The vampire society has a ridiculous amount of bureaucracy.
18) The themes were non-existent.
I was smiling the entire time. It's gloriously awful and I loved it.
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